by F. J. Bergmann
You must change your life.
—Rainer Maria Rilke, “Archaic Torso of Apollo”
“I’ll stay till the wind changes.”
—P.L. Travers, Mary Poppins
Beaufort scale: a scale of wind forces, described by name, velocity, and observed conditions.
| 0 | 0-1 knots | calm | Try another brand of toothpaste. |
| 1 | 1-3 knots | light airs | Go on the carnival ride you’ve always been afraid of; the one that turns upside down. |
| 2 | 4-6 knots | slight breeze | Wear more make up than you know how to apply. |
| 3 | 7-10 knots | gentle breeze | Stop at the bar with all the motorcycles out front. |
| 4 | 11-16 knots | moderate breeze | Drink the hard liquor you’ve never liked. |
| 5 | 17-21 knots | fresh breeze | Drink more. |
| 6 | 22-27 knots | strong breeze | When a stranger’s eyes meet yours, hold his gaze and smile slowly. |
| 7 | 28-33 knots | moderate gale | Learn to lie. |
| 8 | 34-40 knots | fresh gale | Tell them you’ve never loved them anyway. |
| 9 | 41-47 knots | strong gale | Hire a more aggressive lawyer. |
| 10 | 48-55 knots | whole gale | There’s more than one way to skin a cat. |
| 11 | 55-65 knots | storm | Shoot your family. When the bullets run out, use a claw hammer on the little ones. |
| 12 | above 65 | hurricane | Saturate the house with gasoline. Soak your clothes. Light the match now. |
F. J. Bergmann edits poetry for Mobius: The Journal of Social Change (mobiusmagazine.com), and imagines tragedies on or near exoplanets. She has competed at the National Poetry Slam as a member of the Madison, WI, Urban Spoken Word team. Her work appears irregularly in Abyss & Apex, Analog, Asimov’s SF, and elsewhere in the alphabet. A Catalogue of the Further Suns won the 2017 Gold Line Press poetry chapbook contest and the 2018 SFPA Elgin Chapbook Award.
Portage Magazine 